If you are having discipline problems with your child, the problem could be a lack of consistency in your home.
Remember this formula:
Inconsistency -> Confusion -> Frustration -> Acting Out
Inconsistency in parenting is usually the cause of it all. If you laugh at disrespect one day and punish it the next, the child is confused.
That confusion about right and wrong leads to frustration. Think about playing a basketball or soccer match where the referee changed the rules without notice. One minute that is a foul, the next minute it’s okay. You wouldn’t know how to win. That would lead to incredible frustration.
That frustration leads to acting out.
Our institutions- schools, teams, etc- can only punish the acting out. That’s why it rarely changes the child’s behavior. They can only cut leaves off the tree.
If you are experiencing rebellion, acting out, etc in your child, look at the consistency they experience at home.
Have you sent clear, consistent messages as to what is expected?
Do you have the same response that isn’t dependent on your mood or temper?
Do you “let it go this one time” and punish it the next?
Can your kids talk you out of punishments?
Do your kids try to negotiate after you’ve said no already?
Our children desperately need us to be consistent. They need us to be the same people every day. They need the same rules every day. They need the same discipline every day, every week, every month, every year.
Consistency builds trust.
Inconsistency destroys our children, no matter how much you care or love.
Consistency. Fix the consistency and watch the confusion, frustration, and acting out decrease/disappear.
Want more information about Dave’s Book or bringing The Perfect Spouse Marriage Conference to your area? Go here and fill out the form at the bottom of the page.